Benefit Concert for Managua Christian Academy 10/30

There is a great local opportunity to make a global impact this weekend! I will be playing a couple songs to open for Shelly E. Johnson, a Christian singer/songwriter from Nashville, TN. Although we weren't on campus at the same time, both Shelly and I graduated from Belmont University. It is a benefit concert for Managua Christian Academy, a school with 400+ students in Nicaragua. The school endured some severe flood damage recently, and the building has been condemned. Part of the effort for this concert is to raise awareness and support to help with a new building for these students and teachers. There is no fee to attend the concert which begins at 7pm. All the information and links can be found on the right side of this page under the "Shows" heading.

Please come out and learn about the ministry of Managua Christian Academy, help support them in their efforts to get a new building, and enjoy some great local music!

Good News

"We are far worse than we would ever dare to believe." That will always be true, but its impact grew deeper and wider for me an hour ago. Driving the familiar road back to the apartment, I looked to my left at Oak Hollow Lake. The scene was stunning. The soft orange-pink of the sunset robed itself in the fall hues of the trees, placid waters below and a couple of elegant herons drifting by above. Nothing had ever felt as real as it did in that moment, it almost had gravity of its own. My soul felt filled, and I knew that this was the kind of thing we were supposed to know and enjoy for eternity. I would argue that we are still supposed to be doing that today, but have lost ourselves in the contrived importance of our days. There is nothing more important than relationship - with Creator, creation, and the created.

But I have not done that. I have not been anywhere close to that. And one last thing crossed my mind. I usually think of being saved as being rescued from this earth, that I am being directed towards heaven instead of hell. But I sense now that I have been in the grips of hell all along.

That is very good news.

A (New) Song: Out of the Deep I Call

The words of Henry W. Baker's hymn "Out of the Deep I Call," have been in my head for weeks. This is a timeless hymn of confession as the words feel almost as though they could have been written this year instead of 1868. You can listen to my retuned version above and get the chord chart below.

Sir Henry Williams Baker (1821-1877) was a well-educated and highly regarded member of London's society during the 19th century. He authored many hymns and edited a collection entitled Hymns Ancient and Modern (published 1861). In addition, he also wrote a prayer book with a great title: Daily Prayers for the Use of Those Who Have to Work Hard. Today he is remembered through his beautiful hymns and honored in stained glass at his church in London as well as All Saints Notting Hill.

Off the Charts

Last week our dear dog Spike went on to rest in peace. There is no doubt that he was one of the world's most unique and special animals, and that is what made him so lovable. Spike spent nearly all of his 16 years with us - traveling from Oklahoma to North Carolina, going on countless family vacations (Spike "loved" camping), cheering me on during Little League games, putting up with (or being put up with) our cats, birds, and other dogs, and teaching us about patience, good humor, and love.

Spike was not your typical pug. He acted like such a tough guy - didn't like to be picked up, not too big on cuddling, and would certainly never wear any doggie clothes. However, underneath all of that was a loving and loyal friend. One fall afternoon many years ago, one of our other dogs escaped out the front door and started trotting down the street. I took off after him so that he would not get lost or hit by a car, and it wasn't until I caught him and started my way back to the house that I realized Spike had followed right on my heels step for step the whole way. I'm pretty sure he thought I needed chasing after for protection too.

As he aged, he showed his softer side a lot easier. He went form alpha male to generally pleasant, then back to a grumpy old man, and finally spent his last few years as a wiser, slower, and more peaceful friend - a grandfather pug. He lost most his teeth, then his hearing, then his sight, then most the use of his back legs. But boy did his nose still work...and his bark. He knew within seconds when I would walk in because he knew the familiar scent of his boy. No matter how tired he was or how much pain he may have been in that day, he always got up to say hello and spend some time with me. At the vet's office on one of his last visits, my mom saw a chart comparing dog years, cat years, and human years so you could see just how old your animal was. Spike was off the chart. Apparently the makers of the sign underestimated the courage and stubbornness of our Spike. We know now that he is no longer restricted by the pains of old age, but back to being his rambunctious, curious, and pugnacious self.

Spike, you stood by me through elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and even marriage. You brought me up well, with the help of my parents of course. I will never forget you. And it is true, in more ways than anyone else could ever know, in loyalty, humor, quirkiness, stubbornness, barking, begging for food, friendship, love, and being a superb man's best friend, you were off the charts.

A (New) Song: O That I Had A Thousand Voices

As I mentioned last month, I've started a new project entitled A (New) Song. The goal is to take hymns - favorites and the unfamiliar - and "update" them in some way. This could be as simple as keeping the existing melody and making it sound more modern by smoothing out or adding chords. It could also mean, as in the case of this month's hymn, keeping the words and rewriting an entirely new melody and chord progression.

This month's hymn is "O That I Had A Thousand Voices."

It was written by Johann Mentzer (1658-1734), a German pastor and theologian. The Trinity Hymnal places Psalm 126:3 on the hymn page: "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

You can listen below as well as find the chord charts. It is also a free download on myPureVolume site. God bless.

Real Key:

Capo Chords:

The Arm of the Lord is Not Too Short

One word to describe this weekend: AWESOME. The mountains alone make me smile, but when you add in family, friends, music, and glass bottle Cheerwine, I get this goofy grin not even a UFC could knock off my face.

First, a huge thank you is in order to Son's Light Ministries, Holmes Convocation Center, and Selah Media Productions. The amount of time and effort they put in to the Festival is beyond comprehension - but it sure did pay off. A huge thank you also to everyone at the coffee house Saturday night and to all who came by and said hello at my table yesterday - I wish I could thank you each by name, but for fear of leaving someone out just know this means you!

Leading up to this weekend, most of what crossed my mind as I started preparing was fear. Fear of not being in perfect health, fear of not remembering songs, fear that the songs weren't even good in the first place, fear that I was being called to something I shouldn't have been, and the list goes on. What gave me comfort (mostly spoken by my wife) was the reminder that the arm of the Lord is not too short. No matter what, the will of the Lord would be done. There is nothing that any of us could do to thwart His plans. Each and every soul that came together this weekend was purposed, and I pray it was all for the glory of God.

I had a blast, and I hope you did too. It was good to hug old friends and shake hands with the new - next time you'll get a hug too. I will post some pictures of the event soon. In the meantime check out the music of everyone at the event:

Josh Wilson

7-Miles

Marshall Daniels Band

Jonny Diaz

Seventh Day Slumber

Peace.

High Country Praise Festival 2011

A new show has been added!!! On September 4th I will have the honor and privilege of being the opening act at the High Country Praise Festival in Boone, NC. Every year thousands of people gather at the Holmes Convocation Center to worship God and hear the Word. There is a lot of great music, motivational speakers, food, games, and more. Tickets are only $5, so if you don't have any Labor Day weekend plans, this might be the place for you. You can buy tickets here.

It is an event sponsored in large part by Son's Light Ministries, a group of folks that have been kind enough to support me in ways too many to count. They are doing great things for the Kingdom, and so I hope you check out the website or even pay them a visit at the coffee house in Boone. It's like Cheers...even being there once everyone is sure to know your name and be glad you came.

If you make it out on Sept. 4 be sure to come by my table along the outer ring of the Holmes Center and say hello. Even if you don't, say hello anyway in your prayers.

A (New) Song

I have started a new project entitled A (New) Song. It is essentially a collection of hymns that I have retuned, smoothed out, or otherwise updated. As a worship leader, it is important to be sensitive to the needs and preferences of the congregation and the worship team, and over the years that has meant lowering the key of some songs or writing out chords (and capo chords) to more difficulty harmonized hymns or even scrapping the original melody and transplanting the rich lyrics into a new melodic soil. Each month (around the 2nd Sunday) I will be posting a (new) hymn to my PureVolume website. Along with a recording, there will also be chord charts posted both here and the PV site. And the best part is, they will all be available as FREE DOWNLOADS. Please take the ones you like and share them with your congregation. I'm very excited about this ongoing project and hope that you join me in worshiping and playing - and maybe even suggesting a hymn or two you'd like to hear updated!

"Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord all the earth."

--Psalm 96:1

Change and the Unchangeable

Life brings us changes on a regular basis. Sometimes the changes are small, like your favorite television show moving to a new night or another traffic light. But sometimes the changes are big, like moving to a new state or a promotion or a new member of the family. We find ourselves in a constant state of inconstancy. So where do we find stability? Who or what can we count on to help maintain our equilibrium? Or for Inception fans - what is our totem?

If we are to believe Hollywood, the answer would be ourselves. We are told to seek what we want, be ourselves, follow our hearts. Though it's hard to admit sometimes, my heart is not made of the most reliable stuff. I am fickle and inconsistent.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who

can understand it?"

--Jeremiah 17:9

If we are to believe our nation's leaders, the answer would be the government. Through programs and agencies our needs will be met, our routines regulated, and our safety made certain. But no amount of rules or committees could ever account for all of our trials and triumphs in this life. The leaders change, the beliefs change, the country changes. The government is made of fine men and women, but even the finest still have fallible hearts.

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot

save."

--Psalm 146:3

If we are to believe science, the answer would be the laws of nature. Gravity, inertia, angles of deflection - these things remain unchanged from the world around them. But will gravity always stand by my side? How are the raging seas of my soul to be calmed by mathematical formulas, theorems, and postulates?

"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and

served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever

praised. Amen."

--Romans 1:25

There must be something greater. The things of man simply do not offer hope of the disordered becoming ordered again. Even nature, over which we have almost no mastery, does not provide us with comfort or hope for wrongs to be righted. At a time in my life when many things are changing and I'm surrounded by a lot of newness and unknown, there is but One who can provide peace.

"People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the

oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument.

Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his

purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he

confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two

unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie,

we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us

may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an

anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

--Hebrews 6:16-19a

This has been of great help to me. I hope it is for you as well. And here is one last bit easier to memorize that I hope you can keep with you throughout every step of your day:

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

--Hebrews 13:8

PureVolume Site Launched!

Just a quick music update here. Starting today I have a new PureVolume site that is going to serve as my musical home base. I will still be frequenting this blog as well as my SoundCloud site (linked to your right), but the PureVolume site provides a much better online presence and musical community.

Right now both albums "Diary of a Sinner" and "Home" are streaming in their entirety as well as a few available for MP3 download. Leave comments, be my friend/fan, check the events and blog, and join the fun!

www.purevolume.com/michaelkuehn

Old Things New

I spent a good bit of the night cleaning and restoring some old NES video games. It was very nostalgic, enough so that I got sucked into an hour or so of Super Mario, Mega Man, and Galaga. There was also real satisfaction in watching the blinking screen of death turn into a crisp 8-bit masterpiece. But it was the deeply spiritual aspect of it that really caught my attention.

All it took was a little love and attention and this decades old toy looked and played just like new. The old became new. It occurred to me that I may not be so different from that Pac-Man cartridge next to me. I am covered with dirt and grime again and again, day after day, but with God's love and attention I am washed clean and made new. And let us not forget He crafted us out of dirt in the first place. All around us we can see the hand of our Creator being the Sustainer and Restorer of all things. So we join the band Gungor in a prayer of praise and adoration:

"You make beautiful things out of the dust."

Amen.

A Little Reframing

Conversations are not always the best places for self-discovery. We have all uttered a few sentences that made us stop and think, "wow, do I really feel that way?" or "I had no idea that's what I wanted." It can be rather embarrassing at times. While the feelings and thoughts may have been there all along, it was not until your larynx vibrated the words out past your lips into the air that you could really understand. But when your conversation partner is a good friend, it can be a refreshing and liberating experience. I had such an experience this week.

Most of you know that graduate school is the general direction in which I've been heading. Granted "headed" there is a vague term reminiscent of Island Time, but heading there nonetheless. A lot of progress has been made on the what, where, and why, so it feels more like just a matter of when. In talking with a dear friend, it occurred to me that there were two ways to frame the timeline in my mind. The first, which is how I viewed it up until recently, is that everything I am doing right now is merely the in between until graduate school arrives. It takes a lot of time, money, and energy to do graduate work, and so it is natural to have a few years of preparation. By having this perspective, I felt the need to qualify my current life situation by saying, "...that's what I'm doing now before I start graduate school." Then the conversation would shift to all the great things I was going to do and study.

Now I see things a bit differently, which leads us to perspective #2. I realized that everything I am involved in - for work or play - is comprised of the very things I am passionate about and are within my skill set. What I should be focused on is engaging the things I find right in front of me, entering into the work and community in which I've been planted. These things are real things, not just meantime things. Graduate school will come when it comes, if it ever does. I'm okay with that sentence now. God has brought me here from where He has led me, and He will lead me forward into the next step. And I would do well to pay attention to the tasks as hand for they are the very things that will shape me into what I'm becoming.

A lot of people are at a crossroads right now, and I hope there is some encouragement in this for where you are. Look up from the map you've drawn for your life and see the place where God has brought you. You might be surprised how beautiful it is.

Musicophilia

I am a lover of music. I love everything about it. From the simple summertime windows-down pop song to the intricate, beautiful complexity of the masters in their craft, it captivates me. My knowledge and collection grows constantly, and I hope that growth continues each day even into the everlasting, where music is sure to be at its finest. There is so much to my relationship with music that I'm not even sure I could put words to it. But every once in a while, something specific jumps out to me. This morning I was struck by Truth in an unlikely place.

I love when secular music gets it wrong. (I don't particularly like the phrase "secular music," but it will work for this purpose). When a song starts down a road that is contrary to my convictions, sometimes it can be frustrating, uncomfortable, or in extreme cases, offensive. But there are other times when it actually strengthens my faith and helps to solidify my thoughts. Take this line from a Desaparecidos song:

"And it reads just like the Bible

Twenty centuries of scandal

Yeah, it all depends on how you interpret it"

I still smile when I think about it. The truth of something is not dependent on our evaluation of it. No matter how much I convince myself that gravity is a myth, the fact remains that gravity is very, very real. That thought gets rooted deeper into my daily life the more I hear this song. And that leads me into worship. I rejoice that God's ways are not my ways and that His thoughts are not my thoughts. No matter how crazy life gets, I can trust in the Truth of Scripture.

I also love when secular music gets it right. Part of me believes that secular artists have a better perspective on the human condition and the human experience than Christian artists. Perhaps there is a pressure on Christian artists to constantly watch what they say. Nonetheless, I often benefit from the insights of secular artists and believe it valuable due to the common grace extended to us all. Take this excerpt from an Ani DiFranco song as an example:

"But as bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact

That I'm worse than I seem.

What kind of paradise am I looking for?

I've got everything I want, and still I want more..."

The first two lines remind of just how big of a sinner I am. It brings to mind a quote I once heard (forgive me for any inaccuracy): "Cheer up - you're worse than you think. And you're loved more than you know." I don't think I'm proud of that, but there is an element of humility to the realization that I am worse than I seem. I can put on a happy face with the best of them, but the truth is my heart is nowhere near the condition required by God. And there is so much joy in the fact that the blood is enough to even cover that. The second two lines are quite familiar as well. Satisfaction is often elusive, which is something I am working to correct. Not only are those lines a comment on my greed and attitude, but they urge me to seek out the One who Satisfies. My prayer is that the Lord continues to draw me into Himself, and that He might do the same for Ani.

The Lord can work through everything. I believe this is just one of a bajillion ways He speaks into my life through my love of music. I pray that whatever things captivate you in life are filled with things to strengthen your faith and markers of the Eternal.

Stuff Happens When You Do Stuff

Firstly, I am now officially over 100 plays on SoundCloud!!! I greatly appreciate all of the folks who have spared a few minutes to listen. Local music is made possible by local people. Part of the hope is that my songs are the first part of a longer conversation, so please feel free to comment on this blog or on the songs so we might fulfill perhaps the greatest end of art: community.

I also wanted to be sure and say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came to see Hazel's photography and hear Zoo and I play - especially given the extra driving to the "back-up venue." Although things didn't quite go according to schedule, I felt the evening was fun and hope we can do it again sometime. Be sure to check out Zoo and Joe Next Door.

That night got me thinking about a lot of things. It made me want to play out a lot more for one thing. I really only play a handful of times a year, and with how much fun it is, I ought to increase that number. The night also renewed my sense of adventure. A friend and I have started using the phrase: Stuff happens when you do stuff. While it is a rather unremarkable sentence, it still has significance. The bottom line is that if you spend all your time isolated in a life-sucking routine, you don't experience existing and this adventure that is your lifespan. So when the night gave us one curve, we adjusted and took action. Everything turned out just fine in the end, and we all got to experience a wonderful evening of the arts. We did stuff, and stuff happened. Just yesterday Hazel and I took a trip down to Charlotte just to have a fun Saturday. As we were driving, we saw a sign for Mallard Creek Church Road, and then promptly saw a Mallard flying down to what looked like a small creek with a paved walkway. So we exited the interstate and tried to find it. We never did, but we did stumble upon the Reedy Creek Nature Center and got a chance to walk around and see some beautiful scenery. While we must always use the brains God gave us to make the best decisions, that doesn't mean we don't set out to blaze a trail every once in a while. Being with friends, supporting local art, going with the flow...that is a beautiful thing. Do yourself a favor: do stuff...because stuff happens.

Grace Arts Community Outing

The Grace Arts Community (GAC) is a group focused on participating in creative opportunities by sharing individual art, facilitating artistic discussion, and attending community performances/exhibits. This Friday April 8, there is an excellent opportunity to join GAC in supporting local art and to make some new friends.

Hazel Ellis, my fiance, has two photographs on display in a gallery in the WFU Medical Center. After we go to view the gallery, we will be heading over to Cafe Roche where my good friend Zoo and I will be playing some songs. Come on out to one or both and enjoy a fun night. Info is on the right of the screen.

Resolution Progress - Month 3; "Scales"

March proved to be another successful month in my reading journey. Here's the progress:

C of N: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - Lewis

The Great Typo Hunt - Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson

In the Beginning, God - Marva Dawn (in progress)

I'll start with the second first. Typo Hunt was an absolutely amazing story. Jeff Deck writes with so much personality and wit that his journey starts to feel like your own, or at least makes you want to go on your own. I highly recommend it for someone looking for a fairly light-hearted read with some humor and an occasional deep thought.

Dawn Treader impacted me more than Prince Caspian, but I am certain that a lot of imagery and meaning was lost on me this first time around. My two favorite parts were the ending with the bright light and sweet water, and the part with Eustace being turned into a dragon. The latter inspired a song I'd like to share with you. The lyrics are below, and the song can be heard just below those. I hope you enjoy.

Scales

I can hardly recognize this heart of sin

These are not my hands, this is not my skin

How I came to be this way I'm not too sure

I'm looking for some hope, hoping for a cure

I want to see, a change in me

One by one the scales they fall

But underneath there's more

I need sharper claws than mine

To reach down to the core

I'm sorry for the things I have been

I just want to be a boy again

I slip deeper in this cave to hide my shame

No one knows this face, let alone my name

But with each day I just feel more and more alone

I miss my friends, I miss my home

Who can call me out of the dark?

And pierce this armor right down to my heart?

Chorus

Your breath has filled my lungs

I thought I could breathe on my own

You dig down to my soul

Undressing me right down to the bone

Cast me into the waves

So that they can wash me clean

The stinging that's on my skin

Tells me that I'm alive again

Gone are the tears and all of the pain

As I wrap my fingers in your mane

And one by one the scales they fell

And under there's no more

You've got sharper claws than mine

That reached down to the core

Forgiven for the things I have been,

You let me be a boy again

Scales by Michael Kuehn

Where You lead me...

As we watch life come back to the empty branches and fields, it seems something is blooming in me. Borders in Greensboro is closing its doors, which simply means that - along with a couple dozen others - I would no longer have a job there. After some serious conversations with important people, prayer, and reflection, I decided to leave before the official closing date and embark on an adventure in cultivating the expressions of my soul. Let me unpack that a bit:

Since high school, I have been writing music, short stories, poetry, etc., and always knew that somehow writing would be a part of my life. Then in college, I started writing more academically, and had dreams of publishing Christian articles/books as part of my contribution to the continuous conversations we should be having about God and our faith. So, in short, I'm going to try to do that. For two weeks I have tried to do as much preliminary stuff as I needed to so that when I left Borders I could jump right in. Although it is proving more difficult than I anticipated (hence me writing a blog post and not an academic article), I will not be swayed so easily.

Yesterday I realized that a year and a half ago, God called me into the position at Borders. I was quite vocal about the times it felt like a terrible idea, and humbled by the times it positively impacted my life. There were many days I wanted to walk out the doors and never come back, pull some kind of JetBlue stunt. But I guess I was resolved to remain until I felt called to something else. A company filing bankruptcy may not officially be a sign from God, but it certainly was a little push to hear His voice more clearly. So now I feel called to something different, and I will continue with that until I feel called to something else. It is very scary to not have that income, especially in the midst of a lot of other life changes and transitions, but somehow I have peace and perseverance to see where this goes. There will be plenty of updates on my progress or lack thereof (as well as my book progress which you will be updated on at the end of the week so check back). Anyway...back to work...

Where You lead me, I will follow.

Expecting the Least Expected

During my senior year in college, we had a departmental gathering where the seniors and professors enjoyed a meal together followed by a time for conversation. That night is something I will treasure forever. It makes me giddy just remembering it. We had a vague theme for the night, "Accidental Roads," and each professor shared a little bit of their journey through college, seminary, careers, etc. The wisdom and insight they shared is as fresh in my mind as it was that night. The common thread in their stories, which matched the theme, was that they all had an experience which (seemingly) altered their direction. Here is a brief example: Dr. Curtis was set to graduate from seminary when he was told he would be one credit short. Although frustrated, he knew he could just take a course in the summer and graduate in August. So he scanned the summer course catalog for what sounded the easiest and allowed him the most time to play golf. What he chose was a course on pastoral care. Little did he know that the course required a nearly full-time schedule of chaplaincy hours at the local hospital. He didn't play much golf that summer, but he did discover what he wanted to do for the next several years of his life. Dr. Curtis teaches Spiritual Formation, Pastoral Care, classes on dealing with grief and death, and gave me my first opportunity to experience chaplaincy firsthand. Never in a million years would he have been able to anticipate the accidental road life sent him on, but it was his road nonetheless, fulfilling the desires of his heart.

I fear that I am too in tune with this particular type of phenomenon. It seems that any time something new happens in my life, my mind instantly jumps to, "Maybe this is the thing that turns life upside down and shows me my true calling." It ranges from big events to small ones, like yesterday when I bought a biography of Isaac Newton. On the way home I thought, "This sounds like one of those events...I buy the book because it sounds cool, then I fall in love with Newton and physics, go back to college, get a physics degree and work in science the rest of my life!" It feels like a mental condition I should be able to take pills for. Then I fall into more fear that if I guess it, then it's not an unsuspected thing, and therefore won't happen. I hear them readying the straight jacket now...

I am so eager to do the work that God has prepared for me. I firmly believe that I am in the place I am in for many reasons, and one day I will see how some of it played out and be amazed at His Hand. Looking intently is not bad I suppose, so long as it doesn't make you miss the experience of the present.

Jan: Television Corporate Executive or Spiritual Counselor?

It was one of those days where you wake up with a headache that never really goes away, you have a lot of things on your to do list, and you're pretty sure getting out of bed was your first mistake. Maybe it wasn't quite that bad, but it certainly had that feeling at the time. Between the end of one job and the start of the next, I found myself with about an hour to catch my breath. I fell face first into the couch, fumbled about for the television remote, and scanned channels until I stopped on an episode of The Office. The women of Dunder Mifflin were all in the conference room with Jan (though I'm not sure why since I joined the program already in progress), and Michael had taken the men down to the warehouse for some sort of wacky bonding experience. Jan asked each woman to say something they feel they are good at, and when it was Pam's turn, she said she was good at art and would like to get back into it. Jan mentioned a program that the company offered on graphic design based out of New York. There was a back and forth between Jan and Pam with the former pushing the program and the latter giving reasons/excuses why it wouldn't work. Jan was being unusually supportive and helpful, but Pam was very reluctant and unsure. Finally, Jan cut Pam off in mid-sentence and said,

"There's always a million reasons not to do something."

In some ways I hear that conversation happening between my head and my soul. I feel moved by a variety of different work, but all of it requires a risk - sometimes financial, sometimes emotional, sometimes my pride. So my soul screams out for me to step out in faith, but my head rattles off a list of reasons why it is too scary, too risky. Too often my passions are restrained by the fear of failure. Could there be a way to set aside my need to make everything fit into a nice logical box and just set free my ideas and creativity to see what happens? At some point everything we know as commonplace started as a radical new idea. How did they face the opposition? How did they have the courage to take the risk? To simply show up and see what happened?

From my own feelings and the thoughts of those close to me, it seems that taking that leap would be better done sooner than later. Either way I feel my courage and faith growing, and though my fears remain strong, they are losing their prominence in my heart. Maybe it is not, "How can I take such a risk?" But perhaps it is more, "How can I risk not knowing?"

Several years ago I captured this feeling as best I could in a song entitled "You of Little Faith." It is based on Matthew 14:22-33. Perhaps if the above made little sense, this will help. Peace be with you.

You of Little Faith by Michael Kuehn

Resolution Progress - Month 2

Things continue to move in the right direction, by which I mean I am still reading. February brought some challenges with it, but I am proud to say I have not abandoned my goals as it is so easy to do in the second month. Here is what happened in month two:

C of N #2: Prince Caspian

The Echo Within - Robert Benson

C of N #3: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (in progress)

I did not enjoy Prince Caspian as much as I had anticipated, but in the last few weeks it has grown on me. What helped to make that shift was primarily doing some reading up on the imagery and allowing time for further reflection. I have really started to identify with the way Lewis doesn't simply allow his characters to instantly become leaders, and consequently they do not immediately exhibit the appropriate character traits in times of need. It takes many years for leaders to be made, and I am appreciating that more in my own life, and thus have enjoyed the process for those in Narnia.

Some of you may wonder if this will become a Lewis/Benson project instead of reading a variety of things, but I have an explanation. See, Robert Benson is one of my favorite authors, and I also happen to have a slightly personal connection to him which I may explain further in a future post. Actually, I know I will because he has another book on my list, so when I read that one I promise to explain. But his two books I have read this year have just happened to be on subjects I felt appropriate to start off with. The first was on prayer, which I wanted to read because it is fundamental to our lives. The next, The Echo Within, is about vocational calling. I think it was appropriate to read about prayer first, so that when it came time to really think on vocation, I would be better equipped with deeper (and more frequent) communication with God. As I try to digest all that was said, one thing is very clear: vocation is about being alive and being present. It reads a lot like a memoir or autobiography with some broader conclusions and suggested tasks sprinkled along the way. I love the way he writes, and I love the way he thinks. Although I don't feel like he revealed some huge secret about vocation, I do feel that I can better think and discuss the subject, and I have a positive attitude and greater faith that God will see things through to their ultimate good completion.

So far in Dawn Treader I am ashamed to say that I have identified with Eustace quite a bit. That's enough revealing information for one post. Wish me luck in the third month.

You can also follow my progress through goodreads, a great website that allows you to have a personal virtual library. Just search for my name and ask to be my friend, then you can see how far along I am on the current book of choice, see updates to my reading lists, and just have an all around great time. Hope to see you there.

Moments

Every once in a while a moment happens. It's a smell, a place, a shirt, a song. Things that were become as real as the things that are, and you are drawn into them, or perhaps overtaken by them. Inside these fleeting moments we are reminded of where we have been, the obstacles we have overcome, and the way things used to be. I have come to know these moments as sacred. Nearly all of the events of my life are in the past, so when the present calls out to the depths of my soul and draws forth these memories, I consider it very significant. The best we can do at any given time is live out of all that we hold true within. And what we have within is the truth of what we have lived, the people we have known, the places we used to go. These sacred moments beg us to listen to our lives; they are trying to remind us of our story.

A moment happened to me not long ago. Flooded with sights, smells, and feel of things that I used to know, I became still, silent. Some moments bring hope and strength. Mine was the other kind, the ones that are a brief personal funeral for what was and never can be again. It was a time when things were better. That is not to say that things have been worse from that point on, but that they will not be the same. I was overtaken by the faces of people I will never see again, though they did not say goodbye, by the images of places where I used to be known, by the unmistakable feeling that I am older now and that "how it used to be" will forever remain in these moments, and in these moments alone. As sad as these things can be, I still consider them sacred. To lose sight of that is to lose sight of me, my story, and my future. We must lean into the changes, embrace the tragic gap between ending and beginning again, and listen intently to the echoes of our souls.

Resolution Progress - Month 1

One month into my decision to read the Chronicles of Narnia (and a few others along the way), I can confidently say that I have made good progress. Here is the list and current status:

C of N #1: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis

In Constant Prayer - Robert Benson

A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson

C of N #2: Prince Caspian (in progress)

I'm not sure I have actually ever completed three books in one month, so I'm really rather proud. Reading LW&W was good, but it is the one I know the most. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the series since they are essentially brand new stories to me.

Benson's book focused primarily on the notion that we are to "pray without ceasing." His personal and honest style of writing made it very accessible and a delightfully enriching read. Benson heavily suggests that we turn to the ancient tradition of the Divine Office, or Liturgy of the Hours, in order to work towards constant prayer. Loved it.

Bill Bryson is the author of some hilarious travel books, including A Walk in the Woods and In a Sunburned Country. However, Short History... is a dense exploration of what we believe the universe to be made of, who helped us get to that place, the science involved and how it was invented, and where perhaps we are headed. I may post another blog entirely on this book because it really got some stuff bouncing around in my noggin. Worth a look if you have a stomach for that kind of thing.

For now I hope to keep up the pace in February and get through a couple more. In unrelated news, I'm going to build furniture. That's all for now. Goodnight.

The Engagement

Just a little over three and a half years ago, Hazel and I were standing under a sunset sky in a park in her High Point neighborhood. We sat on the swings, talked about a variety of things, and I taught her to dance under the emerging stars. In between shy glances and mildly flirtatious banter, I think it is safe to say we both fell head over heels for the other. I was charming, she was beautiful. A more perfect night had never been known. That night we decided to officially become a couple.

Fast forward to January 11, 2011. My work and her classes were cancelled due to the inclement weather. So I told her I would take her to lunch, but first I wanted to truly have a snow day by throwing snowballs and the like. After cleverly guiding the conversation towards my ultimate goal, we decided to go to that very same park where it all began, and she had no suspicions of my intentions aside from indulging the little boy I still am inside. As I wandered around the park turning the ring box over and over again in my pocket, she snapped photos of the winter wonderland, and eventually of me. Not being one to turn down a good photo shoot, I put on my best GQ face and started posing. "How about this?" I said. "And this? Oh and this one!" Finally, I turned and faced her and said, "One more...," while pulling the ring from my pocket, "How about this?" A few pictures were snapped just as she looked up from the viewfinder. This was no camera trick. First a gasp of disbelief, soon followed by a sweet squeal of joy, and then a loving embrace. Posing turned to proposing. Taking pictures turned into a picture perfect moment. "Three years and seven months ago," I whispered, "we stood here and danced and decided to be a couple. Now, in this exact same spot, we can mark the next step in our adventure."

I was still charming. And she was, and is, more beautiful than ever. I dare say that day was more perfect than that night years ago. Though we know not where this adventure leads, it is by faith and love that we walk together with confidence in the plans the Lord has for us.