Old Things New

I spent a good bit of the night cleaning and restoring some old NES video games. It was very nostalgic, enough so that I got sucked into an hour or so of Super Mario, Mega Man, and Galaga. There was also real satisfaction in watching the blinking screen of death turn into a crisp 8-bit masterpiece. But it was the deeply spiritual aspect of it that really caught my attention.

All it took was a little love and attention and this decades old toy looked and played just like new. The old became new. It occurred to me that I may not be so different from that Pac-Man cartridge next to me. I am covered with dirt and grime again and again, day after day, but with God's love and attention I am washed clean and made new. And let us not forget He crafted us out of dirt in the first place. All around us we can see the hand of our Creator being the Sustainer and Restorer of all things. So we join the band Gungor in a prayer of praise and adoration:

"You make beautiful things out of the dust."

Amen.

A Little Reframing

Conversations are not always the best places for self-discovery. We have all uttered a few sentences that made us stop and think, "wow, do I really feel that way?" or "I had no idea that's what I wanted." It can be rather embarrassing at times. While the feelings and thoughts may have been there all along, it was not until your larynx vibrated the words out past your lips into the air that you could really understand. But when your conversation partner is a good friend, it can be a refreshing and liberating experience. I had such an experience this week.

Most of you know that graduate school is the general direction in which I've been heading. Granted "headed" there is a vague term reminiscent of Island Time, but heading there nonetheless. A lot of progress has been made on the what, where, and why, so it feels more like just a matter of when. In talking with a dear friend, it occurred to me that there were two ways to frame the timeline in my mind. The first, which is how I viewed it up until recently, is that everything I am doing right now is merely the in between until graduate school arrives. It takes a lot of time, money, and energy to do graduate work, and so it is natural to have a few years of preparation. By having this perspective, I felt the need to qualify my current life situation by saying, "...that's what I'm doing now before I start graduate school." Then the conversation would shift to all the great things I was going to do and study.

Now I see things a bit differently, which leads us to perspective #2. I realized that everything I am involved in - for work or play - is comprised of the very things I am passionate about and are within my skill set. What I should be focused on is engaging the things I find right in front of me, entering into the work and community in which I've been planted. These things are real things, not just meantime things. Graduate school will come when it comes, if it ever does. I'm okay with that sentence now. God has brought me here from where He has led me, and He will lead me forward into the next step. And I would do well to pay attention to the tasks as hand for they are the very things that will shape me into what I'm becoming.

A lot of people are at a crossroads right now, and I hope there is some encouragement in this for where you are. Look up from the map you've drawn for your life and see the place where God has brought you. You might be surprised how beautiful it is.

Musicophilia

I am a lover of music. I love everything about it. From the simple summertime windows-down pop song to the intricate, beautiful complexity of the masters in their craft, it captivates me. My knowledge and collection grows constantly, and I hope that growth continues each day even into the everlasting, where music is sure to be at its finest. There is so much to my relationship with music that I'm not even sure I could put words to it. But every once in a while, something specific jumps out to me. This morning I was struck by Truth in an unlikely place.

I love when secular music gets it wrong. (I don't particularly like the phrase "secular music," but it will work for this purpose). When a song starts down a road that is contrary to my convictions, sometimes it can be frustrating, uncomfortable, or in extreme cases, offensive. But there are other times when it actually strengthens my faith and helps to solidify my thoughts. Take this line from a Desaparecidos song:

"And it reads just like the Bible

Twenty centuries of scandal

Yeah, it all depends on how you interpret it"

I still smile when I think about it. The truth of something is not dependent on our evaluation of it. No matter how much I convince myself that gravity is a myth, the fact remains that gravity is very, very real. That thought gets rooted deeper into my daily life the more I hear this song. And that leads me into worship. I rejoice that God's ways are not my ways and that His thoughts are not my thoughts. No matter how crazy life gets, I can trust in the Truth of Scripture.

I also love when secular music gets it right. Part of me believes that secular artists have a better perspective on the human condition and the human experience than Christian artists. Perhaps there is a pressure on Christian artists to constantly watch what they say. Nonetheless, I often benefit from the insights of secular artists and believe it valuable due to the common grace extended to us all. Take this excerpt from an Ani DiFranco song as an example:

"But as bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact

That I'm worse than I seem.

What kind of paradise am I looking for?

I've got everything I want, and still I want more..."

The first two lines remind of just how big of a sinner I am. It brings to mind a quote I once heard (forgive me for any inaccuracy): "Cheer up - you're worse than you think. And you're loved more than you know." I don't think I'm proud of that, but there is an element of humility to the realization that I am worse than I seem. I can put on a happy face with the best of them, but the truth is my heart is nowhere near the condition required by God. And there is so much joy in the fact that the blood is enough to even cover that. The second two lines are quite familiar as well. Satisfaction is often elusive, which is something I am working to correct. Not only are those lines a comment on my greed and attitude, but they urge me to seek out the One who Satisfies. My prayer is that the Lord continues to draw me into Himself, and that He might do the same for Ani.

The Lord can work through everything. I believe this is just one of a bajillion ways He speaks into my life through my love of music. I pray that whatever things captivate you in life are filled with things to strengthen your faith and markers of the Eternal.

Stuff Happens When You Do Stuff

Firstly, I am now officially over 100 plays on SoundCloud!!! I greatly appreciate all of the folks who have spared a few minutes to listen. Local music is made possible by local people. Part of the hope is that my songs are the first part of a longer conversation, so please feel free to comment on this blog or on the songs so we might fulfill perhaps the greatest end of art: community.

I also wanted to be sure and say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came to see Hazel's photography and hear Zoo and I play - especially given the extra driving to the "back-up venue." Although things didn't quite go according to schedule, I felt the evening was fun and hope we can do it again sometime. Be sure to check out Zoo and Joe Next Door.

That night got me thinking about a lot of things. It made me want to play out a lot more for one thing. I really only play a handful of times a year, and with how much fun it is, I ought to increase that number. The night also renewed my sense of adventure. A friend and I have started using the phrase: Stuff happens when you do stuff. While it is a rather unremarkable sentence, it still has significance. The bottom line is that if you spend all your time isolated in a life-sucking routine, you don't experience existing and this adventure that is your lifespan. So when the night gave us one curve, we adjusted and took action. Everything turned out just fine in the end, and we all got to experience a wonderful evening of the arts. We did stuff, and stuff happened. Just yesterday Hazel and I took a trip down to Charlotte just to have a fun Saturday. As we were driving, we saw a sign for Mallard Creek Church Road, and then promptly saw a Mallard flying down to what looked like a small creek with a paved walkway. So we exited the interstate and tried to find it. We never did, but we did stumble upon the Reedy Creek Nature Center and got a chance to walk around and see some beautiful scenery. While we must always use the brains God gave us to make the best decisions, that doesn't mean we don't set out to blaze a trail every once in a while. Being with friends, supporting local art, going with the flow...that is a beautiful thing. Do yourself a favor: do stuff...because stuff happens.

Grace Arts Community Outing

The Grace Arts Community (GAC) is a group focused on participating in creative opportunities by sharing individual art, facilitating artistic discussion, and attending community performances/exhibits. This Friday April 8, there is an excellent opportunity to join GAC in supporting local art and to make some new friends.

Hazel Ellis, my fiance, has two photographs on display in a gallery in the WFU Medical Center. After we go to view the gallery, we will be heading over to Cafe Roche where my good friend Zoo and I will be playing some songs. Come on out to one or both and enjoy a fun night. Info is on the right of the screen.

Resolution Progress - Month 3; "Scales"

March proved to be another successful month in my reading journey. Here's the progress:

C of N: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - Lewis

The Great Typo Hunt - Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson

In the Beginning, God - Marva Dawn (in progress)

I'll start with the second first. Typo Hunt was an absolutely amazing story. Jeff Deck writes with so much personality and wit that his journey starts to feel like your own, or at least makes you want to go on your own. I highly recommend it for someone looking for a fairly light-hearted read with some humor and an occasional deep thought.

Dawn Treader impacted me more than Prince Caspian, but I am certain that a lot of imagery and meaning was lost on me this first time around. My two favorite parts were the ending with the bright light and sweet water, and the part with Eustace being turned into a dragon. The latter inspired a song I'd like to share with you. The lyrics are below, and the song can be heard just below those. I hope you enjoy.

Scales

I can hardly recognize this heart of sin

These are not my hands, this is not my skin

How I came to be this way I'm not too sure

I'm looking for some hope, hoping for a cure

I want to see, a change in me

One by one the scales they fall

But underneath there's more

I need sharper claws than mine

To reach down to the core

I'm sorry for the things I have been

I just want to be a boy again

I slip deeper in this cave to hide my shame

No one knows this face, let alone my name

But with each day I just feel more and more alone

I miss my friends, I miss my home

Who can call me out of the dark?

And pierce this armor right down to my heart?

Chorus

Your breath has filled my lungs

I thought I could breathe on my own

You dig down to my soul

Undressing me right down to the bone

Cast me into the waves

So that they can wash me clean

The stinging that's on my skin

Tells me that I'm alive again

Gone are the tears and all of the pain

As I wrap my fingers in your mane

And one by one the scales they fell

And under there's no more

You've got sharper claws than mine

That reached down to the core

Forgiven for the things I have been,

You let me be a boy again

Scales by Michael Kuehn

Where You lead me...

As we watch life come back to the empty branches and fields, it seems something is blooming in me. Borders in Greensboro is closing its doors, which simply means that - along with a couple dozen others - I would no longer have a job there. After some serious conversations with important people, prayer, and reflection, I decided to leave before the official closing date and embark on an adventure in cultivating the expressions of my soul. Let me unpack that a bit:

Since high school, I have been writing music, short stories, poetry, etc., and always knew that somehow writing would be a part of my life. Then in college, I started writing more academically, and had dreams of publishing Christian articles/books as part of my contribution to the continuous conversations we should be having about God and our faith. So, in short, I'm going to try to do that. For two weeks I have tried to do as much preliminary stuff as I needed to so that when I left Borders I could jump right in. Although it is proving more difficult than I anticipated (hence me writing a blog post and not an academic article), I will not be swayed so easily.

Yesterday I realized that a year and a half ago, God called me into the position at Borders. I was quite vocal about the times it felt like a terrible idea, and humbled by the times it positively impacted my life. There were many days I wanted to walk out the doors and never come back, pull some kind of JetBlue stunt. But I guess I was resolved to remain until I felt called to something else. A company filing bankruptcy may not officially be a sign from God, but it certainly was a little push to hear His voice more clearly. So now I feel called to something different, and I will continue with that until I feel called to something else. It is very scary to not have that income, especially in the midst of a lot of other life changes and transitions, but somehow I have peace and perseverance to see where this goes. There will be plenty of updates on my progress or lack thereof (as well as my book progress which you will be updated on at the end of the week so check back). Anyway...back to work...

Where You lead me, I will follow.